Toni Kuhn

I wanted to share with you all of the wonderful changes that I have experienced this month. But before I get to it, I wanted to share how I got here.

When I first moved I was trapped in my sadness and longing for my old life. I missed my friends, family, students, gym and yoga studio. I was anxious, scared and suffering deeply. I wanted my old life back.

Then something switched in my head. I was severely attached to my old life and I needed to let go of the past to step into the future. So I began making changes on my website. I deleted information about classes I no longer taught and deleted pages that were no longer relevant to my current life. Within minutes of making changes to my website I got a call about a teaching job. And so my new life began to unfold. Now I am teaching 8 classes a week at a couple of gyms!

After struggling to find a place to teach, I finally found a wonderful gym that welcomed me with open arms. I had actually joined this gym to have a place to workout and take classes and then an instructor left and I was hired. It all happened pretty fast! I love working here! The people are so nice and the classes are smaller because the studio is small. Its nice being able to get to know people. I am finally starting to feel like myself. I realized that teaching is a huge part of me and when I was not doing it I felt like a part of me was gone. Like I lost a limb. But now I am getting my groove back and my life is starting to feel normal. One of the new classes I am teaching is Silver Sneakers. I just got certified in this format and I am enjoying teaching it. I also teach a chair yoga class at our clubhouse and this class is packed with about 35 people every week! In this class the age range is 50 years old to 94! There are some students who come with their walkers or oxygen tanks, and other that have no physical issues. It’s amazing to witness them all together.

We discovered that we have a Cedrus deodara tree in our front yard! This is a Divine Tree and we can also see this it from our living room. It is amazing to me that I have such a sacred tree that I can see from both inside and outside of my house. Our house is surrounded by a ton of beautiful trees. It is like living in the forest! Its very peaceful and quiet. It is so quiet that we have been sleeping in until 8 or 9am! It has actually been hard for me to get to an 8 am class. LOL!

Here is some information about our divine tree. It is a species of cedar native to the western Himalayas in Eastern Afghanistan, Northern Pakistan and India. “The botanical name, which is also the English common name, derives from the Sanskrit term devadāru, which means “wood of the gods”, a compound of deva “god” and dāru“wood and tree. Among Hindus, it is worshiped as a divine tree. Forests full of Deodar or Devadāru trees were the favorite living place of ancient Indian sages and their families who were devoted to the Hindu god Shiva. To please Lord Shiva, the sages used to perform very difficult meditation practices in deodar forests. Also the ancient Hindu epics and Shaivite texts regularly mention Darukavana, meaning a forest of deodars, as a sacred place.” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cedrus_deodara

My internet is very slow right now, Unfortunately I cannot do videos that are longer than a minute or so. We hope to get a new internet service soon. For now, I have learned how to do live chat through Facebook and Duo. Duo is the app I use on my Samsung phone that is similar to Face-time on the Iphone. If you have an Iphone you can download the Duo app. I actually did a private lesson over Duo with a client from So Cal. It was great! So if you want to chat face to face let me know! I would love to see you!

We celebrated my husband’s 50th birthday last month. My daughter and her fiance surprised Doug by taking a trip up here to visit him. He was totally shocked when she just showed up at the house! It was the best! Here are a bunch of pictures from our celebration.

Well that’s about everything that has happened this month! It has been a busy month. I leave you with the reminder to accept life’s challenges, to celebrate life as often as possible, and to live life at the fullest. I am learning to accept all these changes in my life and to go day by day. And as much as I miss my old life, I am opening myself to my new life.

“In the end these things matter the most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?”- Buddha

Namaste,

Toni

The past month has been a flurry of packing, getting rid stuff, cleaning, unpacking and adapting to a new environment. I have learned a lot about myself and have grown in many ways.

I have had to let go of so much this past month and it’s finally starting to hit me. My home is now 6 hours away from everything I know. My family, my friends, my work and my community.  With the intensity and busyness of the move I have not really processed all that I have left behind. But in my heart I know I am in the right place. My husband and I are a great team and wherever we call home, we know we have each other. Our home is in our hearts not the house we live in. Everything we left behind is with us in our minds and hearts.

As I settle into my new home I am finally starting to feel some sense of normal in my life. I am a neat freak and when my house is in disarray I get very anxious. I have had to learn to cope with this anxiety and let go of it. Breathe IN, Breathe Out has become my mantra. This move has taught me that the world does not end because my house is a mess and that I can work through these emotions.

When our foundation ( our home) has been shifted there is a moment of complete imbalance. Like the moment the trapeze artist lets go of the bar to reach for the other. There is a level of trust that the next bar will be there. Sometimes I cannot see the next bar, or I am afraid to grab it. But then I remind myself to Breath In and Breathe Out. My head clears, my heart rate slows down and I can see the next step. I have learned to take things one day at a time, one box at at a time.

Here are some are things that I have learned about life during my transition.

• I have learned what real rain looks like and feels like! We have gotten about 5 inches of rain in the last two weeks! It is the most rain I have seen in years! The tress and grass are so vibrant with color that it moves me.
• I have learned that my new washer and dryer can take a lot of work! I absolutely love using them!
• I have learned to not take anything for granted. We are 2 hours away from the Camp Fire and so our news is filled with the devastation and hardship that this community continues to go through.  I have learned to let go that my house is not perfect and I remind myself that at least I have a roof over my head.
• I have learned that I need to start taking care of myself. My friend gently reminded me of this by asking me “Did you get a workout in today’? I am going to make a stronger effort to get out there and take some classes. I took one class  at the clubhouse last week and I enjoyed it! I also met some really nice people.
• I have learned that the people in Auburn are very nice and welcoming. Everywhere we go, restaurants, Target, Best Buy, Home Depot ect.. everyone was really nice, very helpful and patient. BTW- I used all the gift cards that my So Cal friends gave me. We got a lot of great things for the house!
• I have learned how important it is for me to be here with my “sister” Kirsti. She is facing another treatment for her cancer and I am blessed that I can be here. She continues to amaze me with her strength and calmness. She tells me the prayer is what gets her through and I am so happy she has something to rely on.
• I have learned that my husband will go to the ends of the earth to make happy. Including getting his hands dirty with plumbing and putting up Christmas lights.

As I get ready to start another day of unpacking and organizing, I want to thank all of you for your support and love. My send off parties were amazing and gave me the strength I needed for this transition. I have not forgotten you. I have packed all of you up in my heart and put you safe place.

In case you don’t follow me on Facebook, below are some pictures I posted.

Namaste.

The past two weeks have been very intense for me and filled with changes.

The first change was that I stopped teaching in the Santa Clarita Valley. I had such a hard time saying goodbye to my students and cried so much that I was dehydrated. LOL! I was filled with grace and gratitude for all the years I got to spend with them. I was so humbled by their praise and sadness for seeing me go. Everyone was so generous with their feelings and many of us cried together. Yes, there was sadness on both sides for me leaving, but there was also great joy for my new life ahead of me. I felt so much love and support that it shocked me! I had no idea that there was going to be such an out pour of feelings. I took it all in and then took a week to process it all. It was very strange to feel such joy and sadness at the same time!

The second change is that I am moving to Northern California. And with this transition comes all of the headaches with buying a new house and selling my house. We have been on a roller coaster with our escrow changes and move date changing, I have had to learn really fast to let go of my plans and trying to organize the move! This was really hard for me because my life revolves on careful planning and organizing. I have had to talk myself off the ledge with each bump and hurdle that has been thrown my way. My husband has been my rock and the one who has saved me from my own control issues. He helped me through each melt down and taught me to just go with the flow. The interesting thing that happened is that when I resolved to just let it happen, things started to calm down! I learned that the world will not end because our move date changed. I learned that we can reschedule our new carpet instillation at the new house. I learned that we can do our home improvements any time. I learned that it does not matter which date we actually move. And, I learned that if this whole thing falls through, we can start over. It would be hard, but we know we want to move, so it will happen. I learned that my husband and I make a great team and we can face any changes. We are strong together. We accept that we do not have control over the process of this move, so we are letting go of things we cannot control.

The last change that has happened is that I am not defining my life around work. I have always worked and if I was off a day or two, I was planning to work! It has been a big adjustment to not have a this big element in my life. Again, with grace and gratitude, I have had to accept that I am not working and that’s okay. I will be okay. My students will be okay. I am now facing the task of knowing that I am not defined by work. I am more than a yoga and fitness teacher. This has been the hardest for me and is still very much a work in progress. I am learning that I do not have to have all of the answers right now and that I do not have to put everything in a neat box. ( pun intended! ) It is okay that things are messy in my life right now. My house, my feelings, and my sense of Self. I am trusting the journey with grace, gratitude and acceptance.

What are you struggling with your life? Are there things that you can let go of that are out of your control? Can you accept each day as it comes with grace and gratitude? What things are holding you captive in your life?

Here is an excerpt from a book I have been reading and sharing at my last yoga retreats. It really helps explain the act of letting go of the things that keep us in captivity.

From Deborah Adele’s book,  The Yamas and Niyamas.

“Let Go of the Banana!- like the breath and the trapeze artist- this process gives us insights into how we stay attached to objects of life and how deadly they become. The ancient process of capturing a monkey is by placing a banana in a small cage with narrow bars. The monkey comes along and puts his hand between the bars to grab the banana. Then the monkey begins the impossible task of trying to pull the banana through the bars. During this time they are captured.The amazing thing is that the moment the catchers come a long, the monkey is free to escape. Nothing is keeping them from running off to safety. All they have to do is LET GO OF THE BANANA! – Instead they refuse to let it go and they are easily taken into captivity.”

JUST LET GO OF THE BANANA!

Namaste.

Good morning!

Just a note to let you know that my website has been updated and refreshed! There are more pictures, a video and I have added some new pages. I now  have a Playlist page and a Recipe page. I have posted on both of these. You can check them out by clicking on these links.   Playlists   Recipes

Also, I have still have a few spots open for my October 20 Yoga Retreat. You can find more information here.

Let me know what think of the changes to my site!

Have a beautiful day!

Namaste

This past month I have witnessed a lot of suffering with friends and students. There has been deaths of a loved ones and beloved pets, illnesses, physical injuries and additionally , the catastrophic events across the world. Witnessing these tragic and painful events has taken a toll on me. Because I love and care about these people in my life, including the strangers across the globe,  I suffer right a long with them. Life is constantly moving and changing and sometimes suffering is just not avoidable.

“In the Yoga Sutra, II.16 (heyam duhkham anagatam), Patanjali says that if you can accept that no one is immune from suffering and you understand the causes of suffering, then you can be prepared for the suffering that is yet to come and avoid unnecessary suffering.

You can’t change the fact of difficulty, loss, and heartbreak, and you can’t change that those things may cause you mental, physical, and emotional pain. But, with effort, you can change your reactions and your responses when life takes these turns. You can avoid destructive responses such as blame, guilt, and regret—the shoulda-coulda-woulda and the why me. (“Why not you?” Patanjali might answer; challenges, difficulties, and tragedies happen every day to undeserving people.) These responses don’t relieve your suffering; they only add to it.”- Kate Holcobme, Yoga Journal

So how do we relieve our suffering?

The first step to accept that no one is immune from suffering and suffering is everywhere. Life has a way of shifting unexpectedly and challenging us to look deep with ourselves to process these changes. So the second step is accept these changes and understand that they are not ours to control. Mourning the loss of a loved is the normal step to accepting the loss. It is okay to feel sad, cry and even angry about the situation. But harboring guilt, blame or regret only hinders the healing process. The same is true for world tragedies, illnesses and injuries of people. Sometimes awful things happen that are out of our control.

The last step is understand that each of us processes suffering differently and we all heal in our own unique way.

“Suffering is universal, but each experience is unique to that person. When you accept this, you can avoid the unnecessary suffering that comes from comparing or judging yourself or others with thoughts like, “I should just get over myself—look how bad she has it!” or “Why is he so upset? I have much more of a reason to be upset than he does!”- Kate Holcobme, Yoga Journal

Understanding that your feelings are your own and accepting them without judging yourself is an important key to your healing. Acknowledge what emotions are coming up and let them run their course. Accept yourself in the moment with love and compassion, knowing that pain will ease as long as you don’t ignore it.  Yoga and meditation are a great way to relieve suffering. Spending time connecting to your mind and body creates space for healing. The physical aspects of yoga relieves the physical tension that can live in our bodies during this difficult time. The mental aspects of mediation allow your mind to rest and your heart to open, giving yourself the space to accept the situation. To know in your mind and to feel in your heart, that you will be okay.

Namaste.

A friend of mine recently started dating a man who has a unique zest for life. He lives life in the moment because you never know when one thing can change your life forever. You see his wife and daughter were killed in a car accident by a drunk driver just a year ago. He is still mourning them and spent many months in the deep darkness of sadness. But, his son was not in the car and he figured out that he must continue to live life. He is trying to just live day by day, moment by moment because you never know how and when your life can change in the blink of an eye. I had the pleasure of spending time with these two and it is so beautiful how open they are about this tragedy. This man speaks freely of his family and his feelings. I am so happy they found each other in this moment of time and are just taking it day by day.

His story inspired me to take a look at my own life. How many things am I putting off for this reason or that? I find myself making excuses for things I want to try, places I want to travel to and things I want to develop in myself. What am I waiting for? In pondering this question i realized I am not actually waiting for anything. Instead, I have created barriers that are blocking me from living and doing things in my life.  These barriers are fear, not allowing myself the time to do these things,, over working and putting demands on myself to be a certain way. Does this sound familiar? How can we actually let go of these barriers that have become so familiar and comfortable?

I came across this great article that addresses some mental barriers that we need to let go of. Here is an excerpt from this article on how to take the steps to let go of these barriers.

7 Mental Barriers You Need to Let Go Of Today- By Kyle Hunt- The Abundance project

http://www.theabundanceproject.com/2015/02/7-mental-barriers-you-need-to-let-go-of-today/

#1: Self-Criticism

There is nothing inherently wrong with a routine self-checkup to keep yourself aligned with your goals, but an innocent self-evaluation can turn into harsh self-criticism very quickly.

The old cliché phrase is true: “We are our own greatest critic”. Instead of putting yourself through endless torture each time you make a mistake, try speaking kind words of affirmation to yourself. You’ll soon find that you’re able to forgive yourself and move on to more positive thinking.

#2: The Need for the Approval of Others

It’s normal to desire the praise and approval of others, but when it transforms into obsessive thinking that affects the way you live your life, it’s reached an unhealthy level.

Don’t allow yourself to base your self-confidence on the approval you get from others. Instead learn to be your own person and find joy in your talents and originality.

#3: Guilt

We all stumble and fall at some point in life, but hanging on to guilt for past mistakes can quickly turn into an unhealthy obsession. When you think about it, guilt is incapable of solving any of your problems. All guilt does is bring added suffering, heartache and anxiety. Learn to let go of your guilt and live for tomorrow. We all need to learn to forgive ourselves.

#4: Limiting Beliefs

Michael Jordan, NBA Hall of Famer, said it best: “Limits, like fear, is often just an illusion.” When each of us thinks about personal limitations, the limits we envision are often the limits we have imposed on ourselves. If you allow yourself to be controlled by limits you’ll never achieve the dreams and success you’re striving for. In reality our success is only limited by the belief we have in ourselves. If you believe you can push the boundaries and achieve greater things, you will.

#5: Procrastination

Everyone deals with the temptation to procrastinate. With so much on our plates every day, it’s common for the most important “to-do” items to get pushed off until a later date. Though procrastination is second nature for millions of people, you don’t need to let it become one of your habits.

Instead of pushing things off until tomorrow, try to be proactive and find tasks to complete every day that will put you one step closer to achieving the success you desire. If you do a little bit every day you’ll avoid becoming overwhelmed, and you’ll also feel like you’re on track.

#6: Past Grudges

Studies have proven that grudges are bad for your mental health, but they can also negatively affect the health of your heart. If you hold on to past grudges you are literally poisoning your body from the inside out. If you want to relieve yourself of this burden try contacting the person you have a strained relationship with. If that’s not possible, just let it go. The longer you hold on to the offense, the greater you will suffer in the future.

#7: Negative Thoughts and Influences

You’ll soon find that the people around you shape your personality and your vision of the world. If you have anyone around you that is insincere, pessimistic and overly critical, it’s probably best to limit the amount of time you spend with them. If you want to reach for the stars you must surround yourself with positive thinkers who are determined to live successful and abundant lives.

Conclusion

No matter where your goals and dreams may lead you, make sure you don’t bring mental barriers along for the ride. If you can learn to avoid self-criticism, not concern yourself with the opinion of others, rid yourself of guilt, avoid limiting beliefs, not procrastinate, and let go of past grudges and negative thoughts and influences, you’ll be on your way to a more fulfilling and abundant life.

It is time to let this stuff go and live life to the fullest in every moment. Because things can change in the blink of an eye.

These steps are great! Can you see yourself maybe applying just one step and seeing how your life begins to unfold? Today is the first day of the rest of your life. How are you going live it?

Namaste.

This past month has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. I have been busy with my classes, yoga retreats, clients and my nutritional protocol. It has been a bit of an emotional ride too as I am struggling accept where my body is at this time. You see, I suffer from poor body image and I am a recovered anorexic. I can say recovered because I have been “clean” for 20 years. But, this anorexic mind does not leave you. It brings up feelings of not being pretty enough, skinny enough or good enough. It is something that I live with everyday, just like a recovering alcoholic.

What brought these thoughts to the surface for me recently? Well, as I have been working hard to heal my gut and reverse my auto immune disease; I have had the side affect of losing weight. My body has changed a lot and my clothes do not fit. Usually people love this. For me, it brings up the war in my head. I have to really practice accepting where I am today and not force myself to try to get thinner. A part of my mind knows I am healthy where I am today, but another part of my head thinks that if I get thinner I will be a better person. I will be enough. I will be pretty enough.

Here is an example of this war in my mind. One of my sweet students bought me the cutest pair of yoga pants yesterday. I absolutely love them. BUT- the size is one size smaller than I usually wear. I immediately protested and said there is no way these will fit me. I tried them on and they fit. I still protested. I even drove to the store where she got them and tried on the next size up. They did not look as good as the smaller size. So I kept the smaller size. Now I feel stress and worry that I should of kept the bigger size. What if I gain weight and they don’t fit? What if I bust a seam? But I know on the other side of my brain that I just have to ACCEPT where my body is today. Enjoy the yoga pants and if they don’t fit someday in the future, it is not a big deal. Easier said than done. LOL!

This is a real struggle for me but I am working on accepting myself and my body where it is today. These yoga pants have pushed me into an uncomfortable part of my mind, but I need to be here. I need accept the smaller size and accept that this is where I am today. I need to let go of worrying about what size I will be tomorrow. It is a work in progress and everyday I am learning acceptance.

I am learning to let go of thoughts that cause a war in my mind.

I vow to practice accepting my body where it is today. Practice, practice practice.

Do you feel like you need a break from the worries and struggles of everyday life? Do you have a war of thoughts in your mind?   Are perhaps dealing with a personal issue that you would like to release? A day in the mountains could help you! Come spend the day enjoying nature and exquisite quietness! My mountain retreats will leave you feeling relaxed and nourished.

In my yoga retreats there is always a philosophy discussion and a theme. I teach a day filled with self care and guide you into self introspection. I use music, dancing, singing, mantra work, breath work and yoga poses. I give you a day of just experiencing your life and emotions in a positive way. You leave feeling connected to your self, your loved ones and the world. I always feel so inspired, happy and peaceful after one of my retreats.

If you would like to spend the day with me, click on the Retreats tab for more information on my yoga retreats.

Namaste.

The definition of cured is ” relieve a person or animal of the symptoms of a disease or condition; to heal, restore to health, make/better.”

•  I am healing my gut and fixing the imbalance of candida (yeast) and bacteria in my body. This has been a very hard process ( I had to give up coffee and wine!), but results are paying off.
• I decreased my stress level. I let go of things and people that were causing me stress. This has been very hard for me. I am a people pleaser and I always blame myself when things go wrong.  This is a work in progress, but I am learning to let go of the things I cannot control.
• I changed my workout routines to accommodate what my body can handle. I have been weight training to support my muscles around the joints that have arthritis. A big thank you to my trainer Michelle at Total Woman Gym!
• I am eating for my health and for what my body needs. I have learned to let go of the judgement and scrutiny from people who expect me to eat a certain way because I am a yoga teacher. I eat steak and bacon because my body needs it! I buy only high quality meat that is humanly raised.
• I get regular check ups form my doctors and found doctors that are willing to work with me as I go through this holistic approach to my health. My RA doc is on board with what I am doing and so supportive. I am an advocate for my own health and well-being.
• I am learning to love and accept myself. To trust myself and express my will. More on this on the next post!

Lastly, I want you to know that whatever you are going through, whether its physical or emotional pain, you can find your path to healing. Trust the process and accept that everyone heals differently and at their own pace. What works for one person, may not work for you. But, there is support out there. There are people that can guide you and help you along the way. Feel free to contact me for advice, and if I can’t help you, I can hopefully point you in the right direction.

I have been sharing the information I have learned about nutrition in workshops. If you missed them and would like to get the information contact me. We can set up a one on one session and go over the information. We can do this in person or via phone or Skype.

Have a beautiful day!

Namaste.

Toni