Toni Kuhn

Acceptance, Grace & Gratitude


The past two weeks have been very intense for me and filled with changes.

The first change was that I stopped teaching in the Santa Clarita Valley. I had such a hard time saying goodbye to my students and cried so much that I was dehydrated. LOL! I was filled with grace and gratitude for all the years I got to spend with them. I was so humbled by their praise and sadness for seeing me go. Everyone was so generous with their feelings and many of us cried together. Yes, there was sadness on both sides for me leaving, but there was also great joy for my new life ahead of me. I felt so much love and support that it shocked me! I had no idea that there was going to be such an out pour of feelings. I took it all in and then took a week to process it all. It was very strange to feel such joy and sadness at the same time!


The second change is that I am moving to Northern California. And with this transition comes all of the headaches with buying a new house and selling my house. We have been on a roller coaster with our escrow changes and move date changing, I have had to learn really fast to let go of my plans and trying to organize the move! This was really hard for me because my life revolves on careful planning and organizing. I have had to talk myself off the ledge with each bump and hurdle that has been thrown my way. My husband has been my rock and the one who has saved me from my own control issues. He helped me through each melt down and taught me to just go with the flow. The interesting thing that happened is that when I resolved to just let it happen, things started to calm down! I learned that the world will not end because our move date changed. I learned that we can reschedule our new carpet instillation at the new house. I learned that we can do our home improvements any time. I learned that it does not matter which date we actually move. And, I learned that if this whole thing falls through, we can start over. It would be hard, but we know we want to move, so it will happen. I learned that my husband and I make a great team and we can face any changes. We are strong together. We accept that we do not have control over the process of this move, so we are letting go of things we cannot control.

The last change that has happened is that I am not defining my life around work. I have always worked and if I was off a day or two, I was planning to work! It has been a big adjustment to not have a this big element in my life. Again, with grace and gratitude, I have had to accept that I am not working and that’s okay. I will be okay. My students will be okay. I am now facing the task of knowing that I am not defined by work. I am more than a yoga and fitness teacher. This has been the hardest for me and is still very much a work in progress. I am learning that I do not have to have all of the answers right now and that I do not have to put everything in a neat box. ( pun intended! ) It is okay that things are messy in my life right now. My house, my feelings, and my sense of Self. I am trusting the journey with grace, gratitude and acceptance.

What are you struggling with your life? Are there things that you can let go of that are out of your control? Can you accept each day as it comes with grace and gratitude? What things are holding you captive in your life?

Here is an excerpt from a book I have been reading and sharing at my last yoga retreats. It really helps explain the act of letting go of the things that keep us in captivity.

From Deborah Adele’s book,  The Yamas and Niyamas.

“Let Go of the Banana!- like the breath and the trapeze artist- this process gives us insights into how we stay attached to objects of life and how deadly they become. The ancient process of capturing a monkey is by placing a banana in a small cage with narrow bars. The monkey comes along and puts his hand between the bars to grab the banana. Then the monkey begins the impossible task of trying to pull the banana through the bars. During this time they are captured.The amazing thing is that the moment the catchers come a long, the monkey is free to escape. Nothing is keeping them from running off to safety. All they have to do is LET GO OF THE BANANA! – Instead they refuse to let it go and they are easily taken into captivity.”





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