Toni Kuhn

Settling In


The past month has been a flurry of packing, getting rid stuff, cleaning, unpacking and adapting to a new environment. I have learned a lot about myself and have grown in many ways.

I have had to let go of so much this past month and it’s finally starting to hit me. My home is now 6 hours away from everything I know. My family, my friends, my work and my community.  With the intensity and busyness of the move I have not really processed all that I have left behind. But in my heart I know I am in the right place. My husband and I are a great team and wherever we call home, we know we have each other. Our home is in our hearts not the house we live in. Everything we left behind is with us in our minds and hearts.

As I settle into my new home I am finally starting to feel some sense of normal in my life. I am a neat freak and when my house is in disarray I get very anxious. I have had to learn to cope with this anxiety and let go of it. Breathe IN, Breathe Out has become my mantra. This move has taught me that the world does not end because my house is a mess and that I can work through these emotions.

When our foundation ( our home) has been shifted there is a moment of complete imbalance. Like the moment the trapeze artist lets go of the bar to reach for the other. There is a level of trust that the next bar will be there. Sometimes I cannot see the next bar, or I am afraid to grab it. But then I remind myself to Breath In and Breathe Out. My head clears, my heart rate slows down and I can see the next step. I have learned to take things one day at a time, one box at at a time.

Here are some are things that I have learned about life during my transition.

  • I have learned what real rain looks like and feels like! We have gotten about 5 inches of rain in the last two weeks! It is the most rain I have seen in years! The tress and grass are so vibrant with color that it moves me.
  • I have learned that my new washer and dryer can take a lot of work! I absolutely love using them!
  • I have learned to not take anything for granted. We are 2 hours away from the Camp Fire and so our news is filled with the devastation and hardship that this community continues to go through.  I have learned to let go that my house is not perfect and I remind myself that at least I have a roof over my head.
  • I have learned that I need to start taking care of myself. My friend gently reminded me of this by asking me “Did you get a workout in today’? I am going to make a stronger effort to get out there and take some classes. I took one class  at the clubhouse last week and I enjoyed it! I also met some really nice people.
  • I have learned that the people in Auburn are very nice and welcoming. Everywhere we go, restaurants, Target, Best Buy, Home Depot ect.. everyone was really nice, very helpful and patient. BTW- I used all the gift cards that my So Cal friends gave me. We got a lot of great things for the house!
  • I have learned how important it is for me to be here with my “sister” Kirsti. She is facing another treatment for her cancer and I am blessed that I can be here. She continues to amaze me with her strength and calmness. She tells me the prayer is what gets her through and I am so happy she has something to rely on.
  • I have learned that my husband will go to the ends of the earth to make happy. Including getting his hands dirty with plumbing and putting up Christmas lights.

As I get ready to start another day of unpacking and organizing, I want to thank all of you for your support and love. My send off parties were amazing and gave me the strength I needed for this transition. I have not forgotten you. I have packed all of you up in my heart and put you safe place.

In case you don’t follow me on Facebook, below are some pictures I posted.




Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.