Toni Kuhn

I Am Spiritually Awake

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This past month has been challenging for me yet very transforming. I faced the hardship of witnessing my dear friend’s mother dying and my cat passing away. I cried so much and so deeply over these two events that I completely purged myself of many things that were holding me back from living. These two events reminded me to focus on the good in life and live everyday to the fullest. I know it sound’s like a cliche’, but I  finally realized that I was living to please others and I was not looking within myself to make the choices in my life that serve me. I stopped listening to the opinions, commands and demands of others. It was like the mirror to my true self was no longer foggy and I could look directly at myself. I now feel like I can honor my own  needs and make decisions about my life without feeling a sense of lack or wrong because other people are pushing their beliefs on me. I made small changes in the way I eat, the way I respond to people, and the way I experience my yoga as a student and a teacher. It was a tough process and I felt as if my world was crumbling, but when I came out on the other side of my pain, I felt liberated and ready to live for me.

These are the things I am trying improve in myself. The things I am trying to let go of.

  • I suffer from a lack of confidence.
  • I let other people’s opinions influence me too much.
  • I am a people pleaser.

This weekend I finally felt confident enough to try clipping my feet in and riding a road bike up here in the mountains. My friend held my hand and coached me all the way. This was the scariest thing I have done in a long time. Your feet are literally clipped in and you have to have faith and confidence to be able to balance and clip out quick enough when you stop. I did really well on the stopping part, but I did have a little trouble with the starting. Lesson learned: don’t try to start going up hill! After falling 3 times, I think I finally learned that lesson! LOl! I felt so free and alive on the bike. I felt like I discovered something missing from my life- simple joy.

Even though I have been clipping in on my Spin Bike for 15 years, I never felt confident or good enough to clip into a bike and ride outside. Now that I have, my confidence has been boosted!  I feel like “hey, maybe I am good enough”.  I have been asleep for so long and feels amazing to finally see my life, the world I live in through my own eyes and not clouded by other peoples views.

How can you live your life for you? What is holding you back?

Take a peek into your mind and your heart. Discover the things that are holding you back and work through them. It will be hard, but when you get through to the other side, you will be a much better and happier version of yourself.

I did it.

And I am spiritually awake.

Namaste.

3 Comments

  1. Awesome story Toni… Thank you

  2. This was great Toni! Thank you for sharing. Joy is really something to have. And so is FUN! We get caught up in the daily grind that we forget what it’s like to just be a kid and have that play time.

  3. Toni, you are a brave, intelligent, caring person. I congratulate you as awaken to your worth and wish you more happy discoveries on this new path.

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