Today is another snow day for me and I am unable to head down to SCV to teach my classes. Instead of feeling free and happy, I am filled with guilt for taking the day off. My name is Toni and I am a work addict! I know this sounds completely opposite of what a yoga teacher should be feeling, but truth is, I really am a work addict.
I took a quiz, so it’s true! LOL!
So what do I do now that I know the truth? I start by allowing myself to acknowledge this new information without judgment and to let go of the guilt of not being able to fulfill my commitments. Who-ya! That’s a lot to start with!
Here are a few things that I learned from my quiz.
- I try to fill as much of my time with work. If I am not teaching I am working on teaching, answering emails, billing, making fliers or thinking about what I should be doing.
- When I am home I am peppered with quick calls, emails or text about my work. There is always someone or something that needs my attention and that can’t wait. ( in my head)
- During my leisure activities, I am plagued by guilt when I am not working.
So what do I do with this knowledge about myself? I start by forgiving myself. Then by taking a good look inside myself to find the root of my problem. I asked myself the hard questions; Is this about my ego? My self esteem or self worth? Is it fear? Is is money? It turns out that none of these are the reason I am addicted to my work. It is my deep rooted sense of commitment to others. I put others before myself because I want to help and heal people. I put other peoples happiness before my own. Who-ya again! This is a lot to take in. What this really says is that I am addicted to helping others, which is the very nature of being a yoga teacher.
( Deep breath here)
So how do I continue being a yoga teacher without compromising myself? I think the answer to this question starts again with my awareness. Now that I know the truth about myself, I must separate my work from myself. I am going to start by creating a more structured work schedule. For example, setting specific times to answer emails , texts and inquiries. No longer will I get up from dinner to do these things, or worse, do them while I eat! Nor will I keep answering them after dinner and cut into my time with my husband. These steps sound obvious and simple, but they will be a challenge for me.
It will be a work in progress, but I am ready to start!
One moment at a time. One step at a time.