Toni Kuhn

Who Am I?

| 10 Comments

Who Am I?

The past 14 months have been filled with many life altering changes for me. Each change has shaken my foundation and pushed me out of my comfort zone. From moving to Northern California, leaving my friends/family/job, starting at a new gym for a year then losing that job, to learning how to make new friends as an adult. All of these changes and more have left me feeling like a fish out of water. As difficult and as painful/challenging that these changes have been, I can feel myself evolving. I find myself taking a deeper look inside of myself and asking the question:

Who Am I?

To answer this question I came to the understanding that I am all of the parts of myself.

  • I am a yoga teacher
  • I am a Fitness instructor
  • I am a wife
  • I am a mother
  • I am a friend

I have learned that these parts do not define me, but instead they create who I am as a whole. For months I have been trying to search for a deeper understanding of myself without these parts. But then I finally realized, I AM all of these parts.  They do not necessarily define me and they are not superficial. These parts help create the person that I am and I have come to accept and love this person.

I have also learned Who I AM NOT.

  • I am not my house
  • I am not how much money I have
  • I am not my clothes or my hair
  • I am not my physical body
  • I am not my work
  • I am not less than…..
  • I am not my problems/challenges
  • I am not my thoughts

In understanding the difference of what makes me whole and what is superficial I have learned to accept the challenges that have been presented to me. I find that I have a different perspective on everything. These things are not happening TO ME, they are happening For ME. You see, they are giving me the space to evolve out of my comfort zone. To learn to flow with my journey without resistance.

I have learned that most of my problems are living in my head. The worry, the anxiety and the longing. These thoughts keep me in a perpetual loop of emotional instability. They rob me of the present moment.

I AM Not my thoughts.

Take a breath here. Think about that…

My thoughts do not define me. Once I finally realized that I was living inside my head I started to let go. I began to see things past my own thoughts. My world slowly began to open up and I started living and flowing through these changes.

Are my life challenges still here? Absolutely, but I make a conscious effort to not allow them to live in my head. When I find myself worrying or filled with anxiety, I remind myself “I Am Not my thoughts. They do not define me.”

This is a work in progress and some days are blissful and without worry or anxiety and some days are harder. I am learning to be present in each day as it comes and to forgive myself when my thoughts begin to spiral.  Letting go and acceptance takes practice, just like the time I spend on my yoga mat.  

Who Are you?

Namaste.

10 Comments

  1. Beautiful ramblings Toni.
    To me you are the most thoughtful and truth-in-spirit yoga teacher I’ve ever had the pleasure to share a studio floor with. Without your guidance and proof of working thru physical limitations I would not be doing the yoga and other physical activities that make my life enjoyable and define who I see myself as today.

    Who am I – at a minimum – I’m one that thinks of you and your teachings often (you would be embarrassed how often your name is woven in to a casual conversation about yoga, working with pain, acceptance and gratitude) and truly hold you in the greatest light that I shine.

    • Thank you Sam. I honored and humbled that my teachings have helped you continue to grow in your yoga practice. The truth is that I was just a guide and you took it upon yourself to process and use the information. You made yourself shine. Love & Light.

  2. THANK YOU, TONI.. YOU ALWAYS HELP ME, EVEN FROM AFAR. MISS YOU…

  3. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have been going through many transformations lately and it is definitely a daily exercise to not live in my head. Thank you for sharing this at just the right moment that I needed to hear it. And I agree with Sam…as I have told you as well…thank you for your practice and sharing it with me…you have been so significant in many transformations in my life, for which I will forever be grateful. Thank you for being who you are. I am a mother, a daughter, an analyst, a musician, a reader, a student. Thank you for reminding me to be present.

  4. Hi Toni you are a friend a good and loving friend. Think of you often and truely miss you

  5. A beautiful, thoughtful musing on what many of us are experiencing right now. Thank you for articulating it so well. Your kind and loving voice is often in my head as I try to still my thoughts. I am so grateful for the interwebs so I can follow your journey. 😘

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.